▸ Video: How I’m Rebuilding Confidence
Confidence can be a tricky thing.
Recently, I posted a coffee chat video discussing how I felt as if I’d lost my confidence. As I spoke in the video, I realized the best times of my life have been when I’ve felt confident in myself. That’s what made life enamoring. That’s what made me alluring. Those seasons in my life when I genuinely liked, accepted, and believed in myself have also been some of my most abundant, social, opportunistic, and fruitful seasons.
But I haven’t felt confident. In work, in love, in writing, in body, or in self-identity. And that lack of confidence has caused my sparkle, the beautiful light that makes me me, to dim. So, I’m rebuilding my confidence. Here’s how.
Starting A YouTube Channel
My Youtube channel has been helping me rebuild my confidence. In all honesty, it feels embarrassing to post on Youtube in a way that feels amateur. Right now, I’m not the best. And yet, showing up each week is helping me build my confidence. Seeing myself improve, even if it’s only a tiny bit, feels reaffirming. Becoming more comfortable in front of the camera week after week feels reassuring. Am I still, overall, uncomfortable? Yes. Do I still feel embarrassed at times? Yes. But the options are to keep going and get better, or quit. And if my goal is to rebuild my confidence, quitting something I want will only increase my doubt and insecurity. So, I choose to saunter onwards.
Turning Off my Numbness
For the past two years I’ve been living on autopilot, numbing my emotions to escape potential disappointments. Yet, like I mentioned in my video, while numbing yourself helps you to avoid negative emotions, it also numbs positive emotions as well. I made the decision to reawaken my emotions. One of the best ways I know to do that is to try something new {like youtube}, where I’m putting myself in uncomfortable situations to ignite new, different, or even familiar emotions. To an extent being numb has protected me, but I’m ready to feel the fullness of life again and the beautiful range of emotions it can bring.
Being Vulnerable In the Truth of My Situation
Opening up about feeling uncomfortable in my identity has been a vulnerable thing that’s felt embarrassing. But, it’s the truth of my situation. I’ve always loved the phrase, ‘the truth is the only solid ground to stand upon’, and I try to live my life by that saying. Being honest about my emotions and my current situations in life have felt awkward, but have also actually increased my confidence. There’s a freedom in owning and accepting the truth of where you currently stand in life. With that freedom, I believe, also comes confidence. •
Timestamps
00:00 Intro
01:06 Hello, thank you
02:35 New home
06:35 It's 6AM
07:15 Losing Your Spark
09:10 Becoming A Watered Down Version
10:00 Life is Better with Confidence
11:04 When Life Disappoints You
12:50 Life & Body Changes at 30
14:20 Numbing Yourself
15:40 Ready to Rebuild my Confidence
18:10 Is this weird?
18:50 Theme Song
Hi, I'm Zauni. Join me by subscribing to my channel here.
